Better the Second Time Around

You know what's weird? One of my biggest pet peeves is people who repeat themselves. I hate it and usually zone out. But some repeats I like. I like eating things again and again (potatoe chips anyone?, bacon sandwiches for the entire grade 3 school year anyone? or what about mike's hard lemonade). I Like watching teen reality tv shows over and over again to pick up the subtle thems and moments of film noir and comedy dellarte that would otherwise be glossed over in the exuberance of the whole "DAMN... Oh no she didn't" mentality.

But what I like more than any of that, what I like more than staring at myself in the mirror and eating potatoe chips and watching teen tv shows combined, is finding out what people who I have lost touch with are doing. Is that like repating myself? I feel like it is. Because that person is out of my life, and I for sure don't want him back in my life, but i swear i spend about an hour a day wondering and internet searching and casual name-dropping to mutual aquaintenances to find the dirt.

I guess it's not so much repeating myself as being like a voyeur. A cyber voyeur, if you will. And it can become all-consuming.
You see recently I got a hold of some photos of an old flame completely by chance. And not I am constantly salivating and scouring the Net trying to find more dirt and emailing and messaging mutual aquaintenances. Now one reason, is of course, because on paper my life sounds so much better than his.

Not married, okay fine, i'll give you that one. But I do have my own place that is cool and not a dump. I do have cute hair (that needs a little work, but on the whole it's looking cute when I put the effort in). I have this whole I'm a writer working on my first teen novel thing going.... It's really working for me!!

So now in a effort to combat my PerezHilton addiction, I've taken to scouring the World Wide Web to find my long lost companions and decide for myself if they are better or worse than when we were together. Is that terrible? I kind of think it is!! But that's the beauty of being a cyber voyeur.... No one knows you are watching them.....