Thursday, November 12, 2009

Once a cheater, always a cheater.....

If there’s one thing I hate ( and belive me, there are actually many, many things I hate, it’s when someone creates a quip or a saying that isn’t really true but gains popularity because of it’s punch or cuteness. Like “let sleeping dogs lie” Why do you have to let a sleeping dog lie? What if it’s sleeping in the street? Supposedly you are not supposed to wake alseeping dog because it might bite you but dogs are cute when they are waking up not vicious unless it’s like some rabid animal to begin with and then why are you around it anyways?

Or what about the saying “There’s plenty of fish in the sea?” So does make me some kind of ocean predator? I should dump my so-so boyfriend because there are plenty of other fish in the sea? Well what if I don’t want a guppy or a minnow? What if I have like a west coast salmon and I want to know what other salmon are in the ocean? If the news and state of the environment are telling us anything it’s that there are not that many salmon in the sea. Stick with your slightly dwarfed salmon or risk having to settle for a tadpole as your date for the next 10 Saturday nights!

I could go on and on about this. Don’t even get me started on the phrase “at the drop of a hat?” You might as well say whenever mood strikes you. Nobody really wears hats and if they drop it they are certianly in no hurry to pick it up off the ground and put it back on their head. Floors are dirty! Hats are where our hair is… See, where I’m going with this?

But the whole reason I thought to write this rant, was because I herad the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater”, on the radio. I thought arcaic thoughts like that went out with “the woman belongs in the kitchen.” Saying something like once a cheater always a cheater assumes that people never evolve and never learn anything from their previous relationships. That’s saying every partner is essentially the same person and you are basically re-acting every relationship with someone else over and over again.

The truth is some relationships are bad. Some relationships are good. Sometimes you or your partner do something stupid or mean or inconsiderate. And sometimes you don’t. You shouldn’t be branded with a Scarlet letter just because once you cheated on your ex when you were trying to dump him but didn’t have the guts. You shouldn’t be branded as a cheater because you met someone amazing when you happened to be dating someone not so amazing.

Cheating sucks definietly. It’s cowardly and shady and ultimately dangerous for both you and your partner. But there’s ususally a reason behind cheating and comes from two people, not just one cheater who will always be a cheater.

What about the type of person who always gets cheated on my her/his partner? How come there’s no catchy saying for the pushover that lets her man two-time her all the time and pretends to live in oblivion? Once a doormat, always a doormat? Does that work here?

I’m not a cheater and I never have been and I don’t think I ever will be. I’ve definitely been cheated on. It sucks and hurts not only your morale and your self-esteem but also your ability to trust. But it’s something you get through. It’s something that defines a part of you and you bring into your future relationships whether you are the cheater or the cheatee.

I guess I just find it kind of condescending that people throw out these little single ladies catch phrases like once a cheater always a cheater or there’s plenty of fish in the sea or like whatever is the chic lit catch phrase du jour. It totally minimizes the intelligence of single people and what we can learn from relationships. Relationships are complicated and messy and can’t be understood through bumper sticker slogan or colloquiums. Life is all about relationships and if you could compartmentalize them into these weird slogans then life would be very dull and generic.

I prefer to see relationships as indefinable. Some are easy, sure; some are hard. But like snowflakes each one is different with jagged and smooth surfaces. Each one can melt away in second or grow into something more substantial.