Friday, December 12, 2008

How a 42-year writer is like a 108-year old vampire that is a bit manic depressive and might kill you if he has sex with You.....

Okay, I know, I know I have become way too obsessed with popular vampire fiction. But you know what? I don’t care! I like it. It’s dangerous and sexy and hot and tragic. And it helps me get through my humdrum days of boring, un-dramatic relationship problems when I can imagine I’m actually caught up in some sexy vampire werewolf love triangle or am spending my last moments with my vampire soul mate before we are both killed by the Volturi; or am innocently trying to seduce my vampire boyfriend while he tries to be “good” and not drain my blood.

I think it’s like that whenever you read a lot of first-person narrative. You start noticing things the protagonist would notice. You start comparing things in your life to things in the protagonist’s life. Now I know 42 is nothing close to 108 but since I seem to talk and act like I am 15 years old, at times it can feel like a monumental difference. He says some funny expressions that sometimes makes me think that he has lived through the black plague, the civil war and the women’s suffrage movement. Like the other day I was just like petty mad about something and he tugs on my arm and was like “Why are you acting so cold?” I totally had to bite my tongue, but inside I was like “what is this 1881?” And that tiny quick-witted quip starts me on another daydream. It is 1881. I am a suffragette and an carrying a parasol and wearing petticoats marching through the streets of London when a dark-haired stranger with a huge widow’s peak and an heavy gait saves me from being pelted with pebbles from the angry throngs of pig-headed men. It’s all confusion and chaos as a riot breaks out and I am disoriented amongst the masses. But he leads me through the crowds and down a dark alley where he grabs me by the shoulders and.... you know.... like drains all my blood. And then I look up and he’s like “What’s wrong with you? Now You’re giving me the silent treatment too?” I can’t very well be like oh I was daydreaming you were a vampire in the 1800s again. I already have reached my threshold of teen girl teasing from this one. There is no room for any more.

The Daydreaming happens more often than I’d like. I’d say for the last two months, if I’m not with him, I’d reading about Vampires, talking about vampires, talking about him, thinking about vampires, thinking about him, googling vampires (like the stars of the movie, the behind the scenes stuff about the authors and movie and TV shows... nothing like how do I actually become a vampire, I’m not that far-gone!), or like with my parents or at Bikrams. The two were bound to collide in my small pea-sized brain someday.

Sometimes when he is lecturing me about safety or rudely making me nervous about my trip by creating crazy What-if scenarios and sending me horror-stories of women raped and beaten in Buenos Aires, I try to not stomp my foot like a 10 year old or do the whole Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah thing with my fingers stuck in my ears, but imagine that he is nervous about my safety because he is so old and he has seen so many terrible things and he sees himself as my world protector (although the whole he won’t carry my groceries anymore in an attempt to prepare me for lugging my backpack around Argentina for 15 days doesn’t really jibe with this particular daydream). Sometimes I imagine that he was a poet laureate in WW1. So as the battles at Flanders Fields were being fought and the battles on the Western Front were being waged, he strolls the sidelines watching young men getting shot at and blown to bits and he quietly writes down his reflections like a fly on the wall unable to help or engage with the soldiers in any way. He enters the barracks and sees the cruel hazing amongst comrades and feels the undercurrent of fear and loss through everyone. But he isn’t able to help them through their pain or even tell a few fresh jokes to clear their heads for a few minutes because he is not one of them. He sees all the pain in the world; he sees the worst of humanity but remains disengaged from it all.

The daydreaming is fun for the most part. I almost always “awake” back to reality with a smile on my face. But the Carl Jung part of me would say I am obviously subverting my personal fears for the relationship behind a superimposed heightened reality in order to save my psyche from acute self-awareness. (thank you damned 3rd-year Psychology elective). I don’t really want to deal with the problems we have. So I imagine we don’t have those problems. I imagine we have the problems that can be resolved in a 600 page novel (well a four-part series, is more accurate I guess).

I guess it all stems from wondering if he really likes me. Who is the chasee and who is the chaser? I thought I was the chasee at first and I would say like 60% of the time I still do. But in the most important times, I feel like the chaser. Like a very inadequate chaser that stumbles around in the dark and falls asleep with a kitty cat at her feet but wakes up with a birds nest on her head. So I dream. I dream about what it would be like if early to bed really meant early to bed because if we stay up I might have sex with you and kill you by accident. I dream that t is enormous self-restraint that keeps us apart not lack of attraction or the building piles of work waiting for him the next day. I dream that one day there will be broken bed frames and holes in the walls and bruises and fang marks all over my body. I dream about it all. And then I wake up.

Monday, December 8, 2008

TV Placement killed the Video Star

There was a time when song and video went hand in hand. What is Teen Spirit by Nirvana without the iconic image of the anarchy cheerleaders and the chubby janitor headbanging away? What is The Scientist by Coldplay without the images of the backwards car crash? These were both iconic songs and iconic videos. But nowadays the only songs that really have videos that stick in your head are those few that get overplayed so much on radio you are ready to murder the tuner. I mean I love T.I.’s Live your Life song as much as anyone and even like Katie Perry’s Hot N Cold but I swear those are the only two music videos I ever see on TV anymore. Let’s face it. Music videos are not on music video channels much anymore. MTV will show a few seconds of new music videos if you’re lucky and Much Music will basically only show you Jonas Brothers or Simple Plan music videos or shows making fun of music videos (I love you Video on Trail but you are on like 20 times a day).
Today new music is brokered not through the dead radio format or the newly buried music videos; it’s found through television shows and commercials. At one time it was considered selling out but these days artist have few other choices with both radio and music television refusing to embrace new genres and take risks. For new artists it is a great opportunity to get their music out there and up their MySpace hits. For television shows it’s instant cool cache. The more indie the featured artist is, the more allure he/she hold for fans eager to find something new and already crowned cool by the tv execs who manufacture their favourite show.

When’s the last time you saw a Bright Eyes video? I would say maybe never? A quick Youtube search shows that he has plenty but I’ve rarely seen any. But I’ve downloaded over 20 of his songs and he routinely sells out 3,000 seat venues in minutes wherever he tours. I mean who can forget the first “Chrismakuah” episode of the O.C. with Blue Christmas by Bright Eyes? Or when “Lover I Don’t Have to Love” by Bright Eyes was featured in that hawt make-out scene between Marissa and Volchuk in Season 3? Or where would Snow Patrol be without “Chasing Cars” in Grey’s Anatomy at the end of Season 2 when Denny Ducette dies and Izzie is so upset in her pink prom gown?

I’m not sure what show started this trend, but I definitely know which shows do it best: Any Josh Schwartz-produced show, (The O.C., Gossip Girl, Chuck), Greys Anatomy, One Tree Hill, So You Think You Can Dance, Brothers and Sisters. Actually any melodrama works well.. Come to think of it, I think I even remember learning new music off the original 90210, like in the later years when they had the Peach Pit After Dark and like Toni Tony Tone played there, and Brian McKnight and Christina Augerila, and R.E.M..... Now none of these acts were really indie darlings or new discoveries by any means but they all hit a new cache of cool when they appeared on the hit show and I am definitely from the school of anything cool that happens on teen serials happened first on 90210.

All in all I think it’s for the best. Finding new music through television shows forces you to go out and find music as opposed to radio and music video channels that just spoon-feed you everything you are supposed to like. Undoubtedly by searching out an artist’s MySpace or downloading their featured single on itunes, you are exposed to more of their music and maybe even other artists similar to them if you are perceptive enough or so inclined to follow the consumer bread crumbs.

It’s a bit sad though. I mean there are a lot of artists still making very interesting videos like the Ting Tings, Radiohead, Rosin Murphy. But their videos get little play on music television. So your choice is either watch new videos on Youtube or just create your own music videos in your head. Just don’t be surprised if your mental music video contains steamy scenes from last week’s Gossip Girl.